Good-bye #2 and #3 and #4

The past few days have been amazing!

Just when I could barely handle the sluggish days creeping down to the home and the wedding, God gave me refreshment through some lovin' of my dear housemates and friends.

2) Yesterday I started the day a little crabby for no apparent reason other than I was tired and woke up with no time to pray. Hmf. Well, I got to the favorite African buffet in town to meet the staff for a farewell lunch, and just when I was stewing myself in a little self pity, they showed up and showered myself, Kate, and Claudine with beautiful words of encouragement fun and laughter. When I first arrived here in Rwanda, As We Forgive Rwanda Initiative consisted of Myself, Andrea, and our Rwandan brother, Benjamin. Now we have: Andrea, Kate, Christine (all housemates too!), and Benjamin, Aimable, and Claudine (the Rwandese team). But, the team is about to shrink again since myself and Kate are leaving Rwanda and our other co-worker, Claudine, is leaving as well to finish her studies.

Yesterday was a day where I was also being quite overly-critical of myself. But Benjamin, who I actually used to "counsel" in the early days, is pretty much running the show of AWFRI and has made a complete 180 turn into one of the most confident leaders I have seen! I have never heard such beautiful speeches about myself, Kate, and Claudine from him and in the midst of his difficult language barrier it was some of the kindest words I have ever heard. Same with Aimable and Andrea in their farewell speeches. They have observed gifts in myself that nobody has ever noticed before or voiced or even that I was aware of. Needless to say, I have never been so humbled in my life, so loved, so valued, and appreciated. It was a way that God Himself came to close me in His arms and tell me that even while I'm still a sinner, I also have gifts to offer the world that He gave me. If you know me at all, you'll know I was a weepy mess of tears (well, actually all 7 of us at the table were crying I was not the only one! It was so blessed and unexpected. Hands down one of my best days in Rwanda).

3) That very night Kate and I (my wonderful housemate and close friend are doing all of our good-byes together) had my Bible Study over to our house for some farewell cake and pizza. It was a wonderful time and they read Joshua 1 for us "Be strong and of good courage; for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law which Moses commanded you." After we all shared what we learned from each other, and then they prayed over us sending us away from Rwanda. See below for a photo of our Bible study group (Uh there are like 5 Rwandans missing from this shot, because of the house change to visit our house instead of the pastors they didn't want to come and make the trek)!!

Top Left: Lisette (Pastor's wife from Netherlands), Aba (Ghana), Kate and Andrea (housemates), Pastor Aadrian (Netherlands), Norbert (Germany).
Bottom Left over: Sheila (Rwanda), me, Mary (UK), and Sophia and Alan (Singapore/Malaysia)

We talked a lot about how Rwanda is lonelier than people think due to the nature of the very wounded country and lack of trust Rwandans have towards Westerners in general because the horrific past of how the Western countries helped the genocide happen. So this cell group has been the most surprising and hugest blessing in creating a family atmosphere.

4) Today was another good-bye lunch at my co-workers home Guma from Prison Fellowship. I was able to finally meet his beautiful wife, and visit with his family and also my good friend Faustin who barely speaks a word of English but I am teaching him! He was also able to come for lunch too. We had tons of laughter and looked through a looottt of photos.

Here is Guma with his wife and myself!

5) And here's an awesome shot of our sunset tonight. Thought you may want to see.

Things that make me happy today

1) Office is quiet. Can fight writer's block (by.... blogging? heh) and work on the newsletter

2) Reminiscing on a sweet conversation with Pastor Deo when helping him create his facebook account. It went something like this:

Me: So, Pastor Deo, you need to write about your interests and activities. What are the things you like to do the most?

Pastor: Praying. I love to pray... And I love to love people. I love to pray for people who need help and I love to help the poor mothers and children and people in prison. I love to read the Bible and pray.

Big Smiley Face :)

3) Have a fun week of good-byes with good friends ahead of me: Bishop John, Bible study going away party on Wednesday at my house, good-bye lunch at Guma my co-workers house, good-bye dinner with Claire's first Chinese restaurant experience, good-bye brunch at my favorite restaurant... and a big party coming up on Saturday evening.

4) In one week I'll be preparing to get on a plane to head home! YAY! Thoughts drift to sushi, mexican food, exercising, being able to walk around in shorts and tank tops, bath tubs, a comfortable bed, a shower with real water pressure, variety of toothpaste to choose from, healthy food, a personal ban on potatoes and pasta and rice. Lots of hummus and smoothies and tabouleh too.

5) Yesterday was a rough day. Lots of things happened out of my control and I was not a happy camper (um... I like... control. ouch, it hurts to admit it). Then, when my house was quiet and i was all alone at 6 p.m. (its dark at 6) the electricity went out. I sat on our porch, and since the electricity was out all over my neighborhood, the stars were incredibly bright. I lit a bunch of candles, brought my couch on the porch, and had a pretty wonderful conversation with God for about an hour. Talk about refreshment. God was like, "chill out. I've got things under control" (nutshell quotations).

6) Realizing that I am WAY more excited about the wedding than stressed. YES. Obviously, how it should be, but unfortunately it is not always the case with american brides. I think I'm saved by not being in the States for wedding planning (not sure if my mother would say the same...)

7) I was a little snippy with pfr co-workers the other day - a by product of ignoring my prayer time and therefore being selfish- and today in morning prayer - with complete grace and mercy, they all showered me with hugs, love, and prayed over me this morning.

8) I have TWO awesome volunteers taking over after I am gone at PFR. one is a short-termer for two months coming june-july and another is coming for minimum of 6 months in September. Needless to say, I am completely FREE because the pressure I've been putting on myself in terms of "the impact I will make" is gone. Now there are two highly capable young women continuing the work of empowering and equipping the staff.

9) De-clunking and de-junking my life. I am pretty much giving away all of my clothes to the street kids. It was amazing - at the basketball camp on Sunday, probably about 15 of the kids were wearing my sorority shirts, camp shirts, and such. It's awesome and made me realize how much i can do without in terms of the clothes I THINK I NEED (need! bah. want is a totally different ball game) - I love that I have a place to give my clothes and they are cherished (albeit way too big on these kids!). Plus... selfishly. it feels good to de-clutter. i love to de-clutter.

Yeah!

Love,

Rach

Blog Voice, where are you?

Bah! I've been desperately trying to write a poignant, super deep and thoughtful reflection on my prison experiences so you all could have your jaws dropped. Nope, can't do it, it's not happening and my writer's block it seems.... will NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE! Which is rather unfortunate, because while it's not a big deal that I can't express my reflections on Rwanda prisons on my personal blog, I have a "reflection article" to write about them for the PFR newsletter and I need to be finished with it TOMORROW! Please, writer's block, go away.

I don't know when the reflection about the prison is going to come on this blog, however. Basically the experience of the prison drew out of me a pride at what Prison Fellowship International is doing all over the world. Prisoners are so unbelievably neglected... People don't want to think about them anymore, people who are wounded by them are thankful they are tucked away, out of sight and out of mind... a natural reaction of course. But how unbelievable is it that there is a worldwide movement that is trying to reach the most forgotten, those believed to be hopeless, the destitute and most disrespected people in society? Pretty awesome.

However, this is me and Jean De Dieu (he changed his name to Jean of God). He is the guard at Prison Fellowship and a genocide offender. He killed many, many, many people during the 1994 genocide and spent many years in prison. His poor heart was hardened by these treacherous crimes he committed and he wasted away in prison for a long, long time until Pastor Deo came to the prisons to preach about the freedom in repenting of one's sins. His heart unfolded and Jean De Dieu came to know God and completely repented of his crimes. He never tries to justify, always points to God's grace. He is the loudest singer and clapper during our staff praise and worship. Every day when I see him, the first words out of his mouth are "Mwaramutse Rachel! Murakoze Imana" (Morning Rachel! Praise God!). He was excited to take a photo with me b/c we have matching colored shirts :) I will miss this lovely man.

On another note....... Yesterday was the final basketball camp for the street kids. Good lord. What a DAY. Kate rented a bus (street kids never been on a bus before, can you imagine the chaos of 85 untrained completely crazy kids trying to cram on a bus? imagine lots of tears and nobody caring)

Well... the older kids certainly enjoyed the use of the Kigali Stadium, but look at the kids that I was blessed to be in charge of... Oof.

If they look confused, it's because THEY WERE! It took me all of 20 minutes to get these kids in a straight line. I was about to do um.... dribbling and passing exercises with these miniature monkeys. Bahaha. Confusion persists. For four hours. Until they are finally freed and allowed to go back to the office to eat (which is pretty much why these little tots came anyway!).

Oh man. Still...amidst the pure chaos. It was a joy and a blessing. And ... may I add. I was COVERED in urine. NOT my own. But many of the children who didn't know how to ask for a toilet, so they peed themselves. Brilliant. And then they all came to sit on my lap, shoulders, play with my hair... coming to me crying because someone spilled water on them. Yup, just called me Dirt Bag, as such my nickname inherited from this camp.

When did I become a little kids manager? I was always the counselor for the big kids at camp!

Well, God uses me in different ways. Another way to purify me and test me and challenge me to be kind, loving, gentle and compassionate when I do not always want to be!

Ho hum.

Love everyone.

Rachel

Rwandan Prison

Went to my first visit to a Rwandan prison on Friday. I am pretty tuckered out but I wanted to zap some musings and memories on here before they faded away. I imagine I will revisit this experience some other time... especially because I think I will visit another prison next week and will double-culminate my thoughts.

First of all - wow. I was completely blown away from the moment I entered with the unbelievable ministry of Prison Fellowship International. In about 118 countries, there are PF ministries all over the world, ministering to the most rejected and neglected members of society, when they are the ones that most need rehabilitation. The idea that prisons reproduce productive members of society is crap -- but it's so important... You want safer communities? You better realize that prisons are the place to start because most prisoners are re-released into society and most offenders always repeat crimes. Prisons must be rehabilitative and while most prisons all over the world are in frighteningly bad conditions, there are still people to care enough to try to bring glimmers of hope to the hopeless... and many of these people come through Prison Fellowship.

I accompanied a PF volunteer who was going to speak to the prisoners. Hands down must say that the most hope I have ever seen in Rwanda was in the prisons. About 1000 prisoners were crowded around the podium where we were .... all singing gospel songs, listening to sermons... and also the prison director was a Christian and was so committed to encouraging the inmates. Over and over and over again would he say to myself and the other Prison Fellowship folks "this is my calling, this is one of the most important ministries" with such pride.

Then we saw the mothers with children. There were about 12 babies and toddlers who have grown up in prison. They had never seen a white person before because they spent their whole innocent lives in prison walls. They positively shrieked when they saw me. ALso, we brought the babies some yoghurts. In Rwanda, all kids LOVE yogurt.. I mean it's the #1 treat sweet food of all time. But these kids have never seen, tasted, looked at a yogurt in their whole lives...because their whole lives were spent in prison. Their mothers were chuckling at serving their kids yogurts.

Walking away from the prison was painful, because I wanted to stay with the mothers, I wanted to hold the children and feed the children, and I wanted to continue to encourage the male prisoners (most of whom are genocide perpetrators). But as I walked away, I felt a pat on my back from God telling me it was okay. He had His hand guiding the Prison Fellowship Rwanda staff. In fact, all the mothers were asking "Where is Pastor Deo?" And the prison director explained, "everyone just adores Pastor Deo... He brings life to them and love."

That's when I realized this isn't about me. God uses me wherever He wants to, if its for some months or even just an hour but I don't have to be afraid of walking away from a situation. I trust that if God needs me to obey in a specific act of service He will tell me, and if He doesn't need me to act in that way then He finds a way of letting me know He's got His other servants doin' a pretty good job already. He's in control. Not me. But it's become clear the more I ponder on the plight of the poor... the more I'm receiving clear directions from God. He tells me "feed this person," "take this child to the hospital," or ... just, "pray for this person." And it's okay if sometimes all I'm meant to do is pray. Prayer is powerful. I have to trust that too.

Slight musings.

I love you all, friends and family!

Kenya

WARNING: LONG BLOG POST AHEAD!

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to go visit Kenya this past week. As many of you know, in 2006 I spent three months living in a Maasai village called Kimana allll the way in the bush by Mt. Kilimanjaro - teaching at a local school and working at a local health clinic. After that summer, I worked with my supporting organization Staff of Hope to fundraise for a new secondary school - it was built within four months and it is called Oloile. I went back in 2007 for two weeks and have not been back since.

A few months ago, I received an e-mail from my Vanderbilt freshman year roommate Virginia Melo (see below photo at Tyson and Mama Nasieku's house) saying that she was working at an Episcopal church in Houston St. John the Divine in a youth fellowship program (with five other young folks our age) with a Pastor called Doug Richnow and the group was going to Kimana to do a workshop at Oloile called Sex, God, and Me!!

Roomie Virginia hanging out with me at Mama Nasieku and Tyson's home! Her first experience of my favorite Kenyan food was here - Chapatti and Skumaweki (can't spell!)

I knew Doug from my past trip to Kenya (he gave me some sound relationship advice with good ole John in 2007), so I e-mailed him promptly to see if I could tag along - this was an amazing opportunity to visit with my Kenyan family, see my students, my freshman roomie Virginia, and Doug and Moses! I was so excited when he said yes and invited me to stay with them in their hotels (got to room with Virginia again) on the nights that I was not staying with Mama Nasieku, Tyson and their three daughters (my Kenyan family). Their generosity blessed me all week long!

Little did I know that I was going to be so welcomed into this fellowship program -- so much so that they allowed me to lead a small group of students at Oloile for the program called Sex, God, and Me! It was wonderful, and just what the students need .

My small group with Form 1 (freshman) girls. The girl on the right who is not smiling (sigh) is my dear friend Mary's little sister! In '06, Mary went EVERYWHERE with me. Helped me at the clinic, went to school with me, etc. She was my Swahili teacher and closest friend. She is now a nurse in the Sudan so I missed her. I remember her little sister Anne would always be so shy and get tea for us and help around the house but I never knew her. Now she was in my small group! Kimana is a SMALL TOWN! It was great to be with Anne.

Needless to say, the trip was unbelievable and I felt blessed every single day from the moment I landed in Nairobi to the moment I departed. The first day I arrived, Moses picked me up from the Airport and we went to a restaurant to wait for the group to arrive for dinner - we had a couple beers and had some great conversations. It was refreshing to talk with Moses about the struggles of working in Africa. As an African man who understands the issues so well, but also has the perspective of a Westerner since he's lived in the US so long, he offered valuable insight. He challenged me in many different ways (another blog). Then the group came and we had a fun dinner - it was SO great catching up with Virginia. The whole trip was like a time warp. First part of time warp was rooming again with Virg - things just fall back into place when we're together and we just don't skip a beat, it was so fun to be around an old friend who knows me so well. Lots of laughter and reminiscing over fond memories.

The next day was the long drive to Kimana.. . Only it wasn't 6 hours it was only 3.5! Why? Because they paved the road all the way to Kimana from Nairobi so it wasn't a treacherous bumpy and DUSTY road for six hours straight!!! The drive was a blast and I could barely recognize Kimana when we arrived simply because of the road.

But I remembered this beautiful view of Mt. Kilimanjaro!

We went straight to Oloile - again, another time warp! I did not teach at this school but helped develop the idea for it and spent two weeks there in 2007. We got to go into each classroom to greet the students and it was filled with new students... same classroom, same subjects, same teachers... -- except for 2 of my students from Christ the King (school where I taught!) unfortunately (but fortunately for me) they stayed back a couple years, so it was so great to reminisce. Everything seemed the same, except they were so much bigger! It's amazing how fast everyone grew! My students and especially Nasieku, Siante, and Baby Rachel (Mama Nasieku/Tyson's daughters who I lived with).

The next two days were wonderful - Three young ladies and a woman named Meg from St. John the Divine led this abstinence/sex education course for the gals (there were two guys leading the boys group) from a Christian perspective - and it covered everything from rape, the difficulties of saying "no" to sex, STDs, and how to wait for a good man despite the odds faced in a town like Kimana. After the lectures, I would have a small group time with the Form 1 girls.

Perhaps the best part of the time was visiting and staying with my Kenyan family! Again, time warp! Mama Nasieku's sisters were just the same - except they had a few more babies than last time. The house was the same except for some different trinkets on the wall. The chickens were the same. The farm was the same except now they made a pond and are raising and selling Tilapia! Here are some photos:

This is my bedroom - where I slept for three months in 2006. Same as ever.

These are my Kenyan sisters who shared small quarters with me for three months! I cannot believe how much they have grown. Baby Rachel is in my arms - only she's about four years old now and is starting at pre-school! Not a baby anymore!!! The tall one is Nasieku (eldest) and the one on the right is Siante (meaning Grace is Maasai... not sure what Nasieku means). I'm standing in front of the house where I lived and also got to stay for a couple more nights this past week.

Myself with Mama Nasieku, Kenyan mom and BFF (right) and one of her sisters, Rahab (left).

My fourth goat slaughtering event. Always exciting and very celebratory. That's Tyson kneeling down on the right taking the skin off. That little 5 year old boy Moynget (sp?) is helping - holding the legs while they skin the goat or keeping the dogs away. Start them young in Kenya!

Yum. The completed goat roast. Kenyan BBQ!

Just a herd of giraffes on our drive back. Actually, there were over 30! It was unbelievable but my dinky camera could only capture a few of them. We off-roaded a bit to get out of the car and just gaze at such an enormous herd of giraffes just chilling!

On a sadder note, I had the pleasure but also experienced the difficulties of meeting a couple of my favorite students in town. When I was not working with the Fellowship group at Oloile I was either at the hotel or at Mama Nasieku's house, I only got to go into town once. I was able to see about three of my students at Oloile. Two of them were still in school and one of them - one of the brightest ones, named Washington (I still remember some of his witty compositions from my classes!) happened to come to school that day to get his papers to apply for university scholarship. yippee!

But, on Saturday, I went into town for Mama Nasieku's choir rehearsal and ran into one of my absolute favorite students named Esther. She was such a bright student and always accompanied me to after school tea and chapatti when I was teaching. I saw her in town - she came running out of a little run-down tea shop that her mother runs. After graduating Form 4 she had top marks but never had the encouragement of her family or even the school to seek out university scholarship, so she is trying to make her way working in the tea shop. Spending this much time in town lends to dangerous activities - if you understand me well.

Me and Esther in 2006 when I was a teacher at Christ the King

Then there's Muthoni. Another bright girl, always full of laughter and fun. Well, I couldn't see her b/c she was too ashamed to meet me. She got pregnant and is now raising her son. Moreover, she had the child with a "questionable" man in town who left her (obviously), and she is refusing to get tested for HIV/AIDS.

I heard lots of stories like this and all day Saturday it was like walking around with a huge lump of coal stuck in my throat. I couldn't believe it and I didn't know what to do. I was leaving on Sunday and discovered all these things on Saturday. I'm still wrestling with what could be done for these girls. Once they leave secondary school, the disposition of these young innocent girls completely changes and they are thrown out into the life of Kimana town with no support system. I'm at a loss, but thinking and praying. . . Will probably talk with Moses sometime soon about ideas.

However, a story of hope! One of my most worrisome students - a sassy young lady named Keziah. She approached me many times in 2006 about providing her with birth control pills. A difficult decision but in the end I made the choice not to provide her with these pills for a variety of reasons (sustainability of her taking the pills once I leave, HIV/AIDS, etc.). Instead I pushed and pushed and pushed abstinence and to be honest I didn't know if she would listen (and if she didn't listen, then demanding the man to use condoms). I was worried she would get pregnant and leave school but I could not give her these pills in good conscience. But, I found out when I went back to Kimana that she is currently enrolled in a Computer Technology College outside of Kimana and is pursuing studies! I was thrilled, and I'm motivated to pray even more for her success.

2006, one of the special tea times where I would take the girls and talk about "girl stuff" for hours. Left is Keziah, middle is my friend Mary, and right is Muthoni.

WOW! Long blog post. I can't even begin to capture the whirlwind of emotions that I experienced in just one week. This SUPER LONG BLOG POST is only beginning to help me process my time in Kenya from this past trip.

Because I lived in such immense cultural immersion, it's amazing how much more I feel that I was welcomed into the Kenyan culture. I never even met another non-Kenyan during my 2006 summer! But here in Rwanda, it's such a mish mosh of people, I've been grappling in different ways how to approach "development" or my "methods" (whatever that means) because it's such a strange juxtaposition of experiences - one day with rich Rwandans, another day with the poorest of the poor, another day hanging out with American friends. In Kimana, it was 100% Kenyan 100% of the time.

I'm afraid I'm out of blogging juice so I'm not going to appropriately conclude this blog with poignant words or meditations. Like all my blogs, excuse the massive brain dump with little thoughtful sifting!!!

Love,

Rachel

Good-Byes Already?

Pastor Deo, my stand-in Rwandan dad, just left today for a month-long training on restorative justice in Canada. Therefore, I had to say good-bye for him for good. I have no idea when I will next see him, it could be years. It's so odd to think about this. He's been such a massive part of my life over the past nine months and now it's just so simple to say good-bye.

Well, our office has been having fun preparing for the good-byes to say the least. Over the past two months, we've played a game called "Cacahuette (peanut in french)" which is the Rwandan version of Secret Santa, only you can do it whenever you want to. So we've been hiding things in people's desks, taping things on office doors, etc. the gifts I've given are hilarious 1) a bag of milk (THE BIGGEST HIT IN THE OFFICE milk is huge here and I had no idea it would be received so well) and 2) cell phone air time minutes (pay as you go) an some fruits. But then we had the BIG DAY!

All the staff went to Lake Muhazi, which is about an hour outside of Kigali and it was beautiful! We had a private little porch right on the water and ordered tons of brochette (beef kebabs), fish, and chips and sodas galore. Then we did the gift exchange which was lots of laughs and giggles. We would sing a song in Kinyarwanda and walk around the room, trying to trick people by making them think you were going to give them a gift but then you would surprise the actual person.

Well, I received a beautiful printed bag and bedroom slippers and a big bag of passion fruit! I bought my cacahuette a nice shirt.

Here is a photo of the staff enjoying one another (I think I've adopted the Rwandan way of not smiling in photos...):

Here is a photo me and Pastor Deo exchanging gifts. He was not my cacahuette but since he's leaving it was tradition to give each other gifts. I gave him a photo album with Rwanda pictures in it and he gave me this beautiful dress! I got a dress and promptly put it on over my clothes! See next photo.


Now don't take this picture the wrong way! Rwandans cut cakes together symbolizing sharing life together - in any context - family or friends - and Pastor Deo now considers me his daughter (he has five sons) so we got to cut this cake together that they made me spelled "Goodebye Rachel" which is how they say it (goodie bye), smiles, smiles, smiles.


Good bye Pastor Deo. I have never met a man who loved the people he served with such a genuine heart. He was an example of patience, unending love, and joy. Literally his only goal in every day is sharing love with people. I'll miss him!

Here is a silly portrait of me.... in my cool dress... Everyone was laughing at me, but hell, it is a great gift!

Rwanda's Greatest Joys

These kids give me a breath of fresh air on days where I'm feeling pooh-pooh. Thank God they come to hang out at the office, and thank God someone just gave a donation that allows them to eat three meals a week at our office instead of one! That means... MORE JOY FOR RACH (and more food for the kids - this is obviously the better outcome, but I'm still happy).


And here are the kids having fun with Jaqueline, the cook and women's counselor. You have NO idea how many takes of these photos I took with them. Non-stop giggle craziness.


They like it the best though when I actually let THEM use the cameras to take pictures of me. Oh boy... What was I thinking?! But - the squeals of joy post-picture taking was worth it. I'm still laughing.

It's Portrait time.... They organized a line for portrait-taking, like school photos.




SO AMAZING. I LOVE THESE CHILDREN!!!!!!! Thank you God for giving me automatic smiles every time I hear their little screams outside of my office windows.