Rwanda's Greatest Joys

These kids give me a breath of fresh air on days where I'm feeling pooh-pooh. Thank God they come to hang out at the office, and thank God someone just gave a donation that allows them to eat three meals a week at our office instead of one! That means... MORE JOY FOR RACH (and more food for the kids - this is obviously the better outcome, but I'm still happy).


And here are the kids having fun with Jaqueline, the cook and women's counselor. You have NO idea how many takes of these photos I took with them. Non-stop giggle craziness.


They like it the best though when I actually let THEM use the cameras to take pictures of me. Oh boy... What was I thinking?! But - the squeals of joy post-picture taking was worth it. I'm still laughing.

It's Portrait time.... They organized a line for portrait-taking, like school photos.




SO AMAZING. I LOVE THESE CHILDREN!!!!!!! Thank you God for giving me automatic smiles every time I hear their little screams outside of my office windows.

Quick Hello

Hello Friends and Family,

A couple quick updates your way from my side of the Earth. Things have been in full swing and chaos lately, it's hard to believe it will be a month and a half before I come home.

1) A couple weeks ago, helped my co-workers complete (I didn't do a lot really just background support) an event called Walk to Remember (Mandy Moore was not included) on April 7, 2010, the 16th anniversary of the Rwandan Genocide. 10,000 people attended this event - walking from Parliamenet (where the President of Rwanda spoke) to the national stadium for candle lighting, name readings, singing, films, etc. It was powerful and moving... although I was running around the city in the minivan all day long managing the utter chaos that was ensuing from lack of planning. This also included me locking the keys in the damn minivan at a crucial part of the day where I needed to be driving. I googled "how to unlock a car with a bobby pin" but luckily our broken door was jammed and did not lock. Too bad I was bobby-pinning the minivan key lock for about 20 minutes before I figured it out.




2) Just organized a screening event for the ex-pat community at a really nice restaurant called Heaven. It is a beautiful restaurant and only about 130 people were there (but the restaurant was small so it was jam packed). We did not intend for it to be a fundraiser, just a connecting time to re-establish As We Forgive's credibility after a couple months of quietness due to funding constraints. However, we raised enough money by selling dvds (Suggested donation) to support one staff's salary for the month of may. We are really tight right now, so that was a big miracle!

3) Exhausted. Live with a bunch of AMAZING girls who are extremely social and like to stay up late at night. i do not. I'm tired. Am I already an old woman? Is this what happens to engaged/married people?

4) My wonderful friend Claire just graduated from University. She has come SO far. Her graduation was really emotional and everyone was crying. Her mother was murdered for testifying in a Gacaca court case against genocide perpetrators, and her father was abusive and she fled from him to live with her mom's relatives. her father was at her graduation which was difficult, but she handled it with such grace and love. Pastor Deo and his wife got special thanks from Claire. Pastor Deo found CLaire when she was jobless and desperate and he took her in to work at PFR so she could study and also support all of her siblings who are still in school. This is her at her graduation party. She had to sing and do Kinyarwanda dancing as a tradition. If my parents made me dance and sing at a personal graduation party I would probably faint out of embarrassment! But dang, this girl loved it!


5) Got to have a good skype call with fiance today - much needed. Time is going by so quickly!!! NOT. It's still creep-a-leepin', but it will come soon enough and June and July is going to be SO MUCH FUN!!!!!

6) Iceland volcano. wtf?! People in Rwanda are STRANDED b/c they can't fly into Europe! One of my roomies was supposed to leave this weekend but she's grounded for 2 more weeks. I'm nervous it's going to cause a serious backlog in flights back home! Also, what if it causes another volcano to erupt (I'm not just making this stuff up, scientists are legit worried about this too). OK people I'm not a typical worry-wort, but I am just antsy to make it home on time!!!



I love you friends and fam. My eyelids are heavy and it's shut-eye time.

Much Love to you all.

Love, Rach

Cry, the Beloved Country

I don’t know if I can add anything after this. This sums up a big ache in my heart as to how I want to live. But oh, I'm pretty far from it. Excerpt from “Cry, The Beloved Country” Alan Paton

“Therefore, I shall devote myself, my time, my energy, my talents, to the service of South Africa. I shall no longer ask myself if this or that is expedient, but only if it is right. I shall do this, not because I am noble or unselfish, but because life slips away, and because I need for the rest of my journey a star that will not play false to me, a compass that will not lie. I shall do this, not because I am a negrophile and a hater of my own, but because I cannot find it in me to do anything else. I am lost when I balance this against that, I am lost when I ask if this is safe, I am lost when I ask if men, Englishmen or Afrikaners, Gentiles or Jews, will approve. Therefore I shall try to do what is right, and to speak what is true.

I do this not because I am courageous and honest, but because it is the only way to end the conflict of my deepest soul. I do it because I am no longer able to aspire to the highest with one part of myself, and to deny it with another. I do not wish to live like that, I would rather die than live like that. I understand better those who have died for their convictions, and have not thought it was wonderful or brave or noble to die. They died rather than live, that was all.

Yet it would not be honest to pretend that it is solely an inverted selfishness that moves me. I am moved by something that is not my own, that moves me to do what is right, at whatever cost it may be. In this I am fortunate that I have married a wife who thinks as I do, who has tried to conquer her own fears and hates. Aspiration is thus made easy. My children are too young to understand. It would be grievous if they grew up to hate me or fear me, or to think of me as a betrayer of those things that I call our possessions. It would be a source of unending joy if they grew up to think as we do. But it cannot be bargained for. It must be given or withheld and whether the one or the other, it must not alter the course that is right"

Vanderbilt in Rwanda

What a great past couple of days!

Tuesday evening I had the pleasure of meeting Lindsay and Justin Miller, Nick Gordon and their parents in Rwanda for some delicious Italian dinner! After a Care for Aids trip, they made their way over to Rwanda to visit the gorillas... and I got to see them!

Wednesday I had the pleasure of spending the better part of the day hanging out with the Millers (SO odd but awesome to call them that now. I have to say it is tempting to still call my friend who was once Lindsay Johnson "Big Johnson" or "Big J," but no longer (she's tall, people).

Lindsay and Justin are the first married couple from Vanderbilt, so it was so fun to drill them with questions about the past eight months of their marriage (and drill them I did!). I just chilled with them in their hotel room pretty much all afternoon. College flashback, but it was just so great to lounge with them once again. It had been too long.

It was so fun to hear about the best part, the most surprising parts, the difficult parts, the funny parts, etc. The best part of all was just to hear about how the first eight months of their marriage exceeded their expectations. Needless to say, it was unbelievably encouraging for me to spend time with them and hear about their experience. With about two months left before I go home, I am in the HOME STRETCH before it's wedding time. But being with them made me giddy with excitement thinking about the journey that John and I are about to embark on together.

Two more months. I cannot believe it! Then I will be home and it will be another month before the wedding. Sheesh!

Lindsay asked me if me leaving Rwanda would be bittersweet. I responded, "no, I'm pretty pumped to go home" and we all laughed. I will never regret the decision to come to Rwanda. It has been such an unbelievable experience. I have learned so much about development, created precious and lifelong friendships, learned more about God and myself than I thought I would, and learned more about loving those around me -- the poor and the non-poor.

However, I'm just ready to marry John! Nothing against my time in Rwanda, but it's just time to be with him!

Two more months till I'm home. Chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo! I can make it through.

Still growing, still changing, still learning. Still loving it. But will love being home too!
Love,

Rachel

Tired Morning

Greetings to all my loved ones back in my home country (well, you may be reading this from another country),

Today is a tired day. I'm trying to catch up on my gobs and gobs of e-mails that I have neglected for too many weeks (and am now neglecting my work, ahhh). I was just e-mailing a dear friend of mine from college that I've developed a love/hate relationship with my computer. Love because I love to stay updated with my friends, check out their life on facebook, e-mail them, and update my blog. Also, writing blogs and e-mails serves as a good reflector on my life... and, I love to hear about all my friends lives too! But, the glow of the computer screen for multiple hours in a day just can't be good for the soul mind and body. For real, it is a tangible barrier between myself and my friend sitting across from me at the table.

Today I am wondering if I will be as productive as I plan to be. Work ethic is an interesting thing that I've been thinking about lately. It is easy to allow myself to feel as though the entire world is crashing down around me when I have too much work to do, everything is going wrong (ahem, as in one person trying to do a team-effort kind of job), and I feel like nothing productive is happening. All of a sudden, life becomes about me. My work. My performance. My results. And here comes the "selfish demon" invading my brain, heart, and affecting my body (as in, my heartrate increases three times its normal amount). My silly insignificant self actually thinks that little old me has the power to save an entire organization on my own strength, without calling upon the promised strength of God, or without realizing that I'M ONLY 22 AND STILL HAVE A LOT TO LEARN!

So, I managed to achieve what I like to call "spiritual detachment." This is when I realize that everything on this earth is just like a passing wind and if I'm late on this e-mail or someone in my office makes a mistake, I can just say, "oh well, do better tomorrow" and still have a light heart. It's a great feeling. I can close my computer at 5 p.m. and say, "I'm going to read all night long and not stress about the work I have to do tomorrow, because tomorrow can wait."

But then a sneaky fault grew out of this "achievement." Laziness. What? How did this happen?! Me, lazy? YES. Me, lazy. Uh oh. Because I wasn't truly "uniting" my work with God, I was using it as an excuse to not stress myself out! (for those who know me, I'm an easily excitable person, and can get stressed at a moments notice). No work = no stress... Pretty easy solutation for me. "Thanks God." Uh oh. Not really.

Well, now I am realizing that my work is a spiritual duty in my life. So, I've gotta work hard. It's my current given duty. But, how in the world can I work hard and not be a stressed out maniac? Because stress is NOT a spiritual fruit, that is fo sho. How can I work hard during the day but close my computer at night and be at peace? You see, in America (or in NYC at least) I was taught that stress is the unwanted but unavoidable companion to hard work. To shed this mindset is difficult, very difficult indeed.

But, it's not about finding the "balance," which is the common recommendation from the world. This word is the famous word of everyone trying to find "inner peace" by including enough yoga classes in their lives, green tea drinks on a daily basis, and a proper work/play ratio. It's about walking with God. If I walk with God throughout the day, actually walking with Him - then it happens.... I work hard, I enjoy my work, I don't get all fussy when things go wrong, and then at night, I can close my computer with a sigh that I gave my all into my work (because it was HIM and not me at all!) and allowed it to belong to God.

I think this has happened once or twice in my entire life. BUT I know the experience well enough to know this is a true occurrence that is meant for me to experience, and it's enough that I'm going to pursue it every day.

All my Rwandan friends are pretty dang bold about confessing and expressing their faith. I hold back - not wanting to offend people or make them uncomfortable. No longer, my friends (well, I say this now...). I'm just gonna try to be me. And me is a child of God and everything good comes from Him. Well, that was a random interjection, but it passed through my brain, so I might as well write it here.

Again, no order to my blogging stream of consciousness style of writing. I really need to try to improve this. Whoopsies.

Lesson learned.... I can't let snafoos stress me out, because I will ALWAYS be working in suboptimal conditions (my co-worker told me that valuable piece of advice), and I will always be diverted from my intended task due to unexpected responsibilities... which means FLEXIBILITY and a LIGHT HEART are keys to job happiness. see below: NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION but life is still pretty good: scroll...









Peace out friends. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's probably because I'm wiping some child's pee off of my leg.

Love,

Rachel

Week with Mama Rachel

I really don't like airports. For years I've had to deal with the unfortunate departures saying good-bye to John at airports for months and months. Good thing I have no more airport good-byes with John once I see him once and for all in June. But I had another sad airport good-bye, and this time it was with my dear Mom who came to visit me in Rwanda this past week. After a FULL week of tourism, cultural immersion, and lots of good restaurants, it was really hard to say good-bye to her at the airport. It was the last girls trip before I get married. To be honest, I'm not sure if my mom and I will ever have a full week just me and her ever again (although one day when babies come, I may "invite" her to come and live with me and teach me these things)! So it was an extremely special and memorable time that I will never forget.

My mom and I had a splendid first day. I took her to the Genocide Memorial Museum, which was sobering, but it's a good way to begin one's time in Rwanda to get a big picture on what the country has been through. Then we went and hung out at a hotel. Saturday was the Basketball Camp for Sport Kids, which was a blast to have my mom there to help! She took the tiniest little tots and taught them how to play catch, and they LOVED it, while I was relay racing with the older (out of the young crowd) ones.

Sunday, we got to go to my awesome, awesome, church and had lunch at my favorite restaurant, Heaven, and had delish french toast and other delights.

Then we went to Ruhengeri where we saw the splendid GORILLAS!

Oh YES. We survived. Although mother dearest was quite afraid. When we got to the meeting place before we split into our small adventure groups, my mother was asking as many people as possible if she should do the "short hike, medium hike, or long hike." Our guide joked with my mom and told her we were going to do a 6 hour hike each way and my mom looked positively ghostly at the prospect (she was also under the weather). Thankfully, our hike into the forest was short! We found the gorillas almost immediately.

The Big King Silverback when we first found him was not very visible. He was sort of hidden in the brush and chomping on his luncharoo. Our guides started speaking to him in the gorilla language (there are 16 sounds that gorillas make, all with distinct meanings) to greet the gorilla and say what's up. Then they started hacking all around his nest with machetes (yes, machetes) and shaking poles and making more aggressive noises to get him to move so we could find him in a more visible place. At first we were all like, um, what the crap, is this Silverback going to pounce us? But no, the big ole gorilla just said, sure, I'll give you guys a good view. He walked right on by us and settled into a big tree (well actually he made a nest pretty fast by just breaking like 10 trees all at once and sitting in the middle of their fallen branches) to continue his breakfast. Then a baby gorilla past us, trying to find his momma, and then the second head honcho gorilla of our family came and joined the big silverback! We were right in the middle of BOTH of these huge gorillas just checking them out and watching them munch away, and get up and stretch every once in a while. Magnificent.

It started raining and the leader of the family, Muhondo, stopped eating and made a noise to signal that the other gorillas should stop eating too. This is to allow the mother gorillas to cover their babies, since the mom's can't eat and cover the babies from the rain at the same time. The silverback remained perfectly still until the rain subsided, then he made the "ok, go ahead and eat noise" for the rest of the family to start to eat again, and they all started again!

It was a fascinating trip to say the least! Wow.

After the gorillas, we were able to do a slew of other things -- like visit the Anglican cathedral nearby, and also go to the tippy top of this beautiful mountain to see stunning 360 degree views. We also had dinner with Bishop John Rucyahana (the country's greatest reconciliation leader and huge development icon in Rwanda) and his wife. It was lovely. He said he'll give me marriage advice, yippee!

Then, we returned home, only to stop at the awesome tea plantation that my fellow church mate, Rohith from Sri Lanka manages. It was incredible to see how the tea is made from the tea fields all the way to the packages! A really unbelievable process.


Anyhoo, then we went on home to good old Kigali, and the next days were restful and fun. Craft shopping, good food, bringing Momma to Prison Fellowship and let her experience their EXUBERANT worhsip style (hour prayer meeting every day), heck yes. Then Mom gave me some professional advice and counsel.

And alas. Now, Mom is gone. And the work I neglected over the past week is slapping me in my tan face (my mom and I sunbathed today)... Oh well! Back to the grindstone.

Peace and Love people.

Surprises

Some things I never really would have expected happening to me in Rwanda

1. I never thought I would grow a passion for gardening and my weekly highlights include picking ripe tomatoes from my porch tomato plants (although I wonder how bored I would get of this practice were I to have a much larger garden that required MUCH more of my time down the road).



2. I never thought I would learn to speak Kinyarwanda pretty (relative) well (after being told by everyone who lived in Rwanda that the language is so stinkin' hard) but it's only because my PFR staff members never stop talking to me in Kinyarwanda that it was high time I started memorizing words and phrases.

3. I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE PLANNING A WEDDING FROM RWANDA! John, the little trickster, had me going that it would be a WHILE before we talked seriously about a wedding. Surprise!

4. That I would learn SO MUCH about myself. Two big things about myself: 1) I am a people pleaser in many ways.... erm... 2)But I still don't care what people think about me, largely (yippee) 3) How confusing is THAT? But both of them are true! Yeah, try to unpack that with me. Got a ways to go.

5. I never would think I'd be able to see the mountain gorillas, but sure enough my mom and I are going to see them on Monday!

6. I never thought that I'd be in charge of 35 4-6 year olds (with the help of one other person who speaks Kinyarwanda) for a BASKETBALL CAMP for street kids every Saturday. My friend/co-worker Kate started it (www.ubumwebasketballcamp.blogspot.com)


7. I never thought I would really really love little kids and have patience for them. I always thought I was a teenager-kind of gal who could knock around with ones closer to my age. Surprisingly, I can hang with the little ones and they don't make me pull my hair out like I thought I would (someone point me back to this blog years from now when I have little tots of my own)

8. I never thought I would eat so much RAMEN (John, don't cringe! It's a vice and I will BREAK it by the time we're married and we'll eat healthy, healthy foods and be that married couple that works out all the time together and eats spinach every day..... quote me on this in a few years! heh.).

9. I never thought I'd find my ideal church community here - St. Etienne Anglican Church, equipped with my first non-camp Bible study with church members. Love community!

10. I never thought I'd make such amazing and supportive non-Rwandan friends and be able to live with them and that we'd be supporting each other in constant prayer. (Well there is a Rwandan in this photo but I had a lot of previous assumptions that my friends would be ONLY Rwandans. I am blessed with MANY Rwandan friends here who feed my soul with their love and fun! But emphasis on the surprise with non-Rwandan friends) (Another note: the brunette gal is AUSTRALIAN! So I'll be hanging with her when I move to Oz).



11. I never thought I'd be able to get back on an intense exercise regime after being force-fed SO MANY POTATOES here in Rwanda that it was hard for me to move! Thank goodness Kate my roomie is a professional basketball player, so we are now work-out buddies. Getting in wedding shape. And honeymoon shape woohoo!

12. I never thought I'd crave an uber simple life. Never thought I'd be disenchanted with the world's view of "Success," but it's starting to happen, and I'm grateful.

13. I never thought I'd actually miss my fiance this much. As much as I know there is significant purpose for my time in Rwanda, I really, really can hardly wait to be married to John and start a new life with him.

14. I never thought SHEILA WEBER, MOMMA WEBS, would be coming to Rwanda (tonight!). Will let you all know how my attempts on getting her on a moto taxi will go.

15. I never thought I'd wrestle so much with thoughts on Christian living, poverty, and my personal mission as much as I'm dealing, but still living in surprising clarity.

16. Oh, yes. I never thought I'd be a DRIVING MACHINE here in Rwanda. For those who know me, you know I really have a distaste and lack of confidence in my driving skills. No longer! I cruise around Kigali, in our organization's minivan, with my hand perpetually blaring the horn telling people to WATCH OUT when I come whizzing down the unpaved streets. Oh yeah baby, watch out for me!

Well here are some disorganized reflections as I'm living my life in Rwanda. It's a strange life, it's definitely hard to relay to my peeps back in the States. A life where my social situation is constantly changing - from Rwandan hipster crowds, to the traditional Rwandese culture at the PFR office, to the hoighty toighty (is that how you spell it?) ex-pat crowd, to the super humble and awesome ex-pat crowd, to the poor street kids of Kigali, to the luxurious resort in lake town Gisenyi... My mind is constantly on over-load sifting through this crazy juxtaposition of experiences on a daily basis and how I should involve myself. But some clarity exists.

Keep up with me people! I love you all.

Rach